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14th Annual Las Vegas Winter Santa Rampage

WTF
Saturday December 17 2016
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WTF???

DRESS UP OR STAY HOME. NO STREET CLOTHES.

This survival guide was created to help you have the most fun humanly possible and avoid pitfalls and other trouble that you might not think about, Santa. Even if you've been to every Vegas rampage going back to 2003, please read this all, because there's a lot of information and tidbits in it.

What is Santa Rampage?

Here in Las Vegas, our Santa Rampages grew out of Bam Bam's (local Burner and all around hot weiny) "Strip Walks," which were a bunch of happy freaks marauding up and down the strip going bar hopping. These were great fun! Santa Cameron (another local Burner) had been turned on to Santa during his time in Florida. (Where Santa went to Disney and played putt putt golf) When Cameron moved to Vegas in 2003, he brought Santa with him. Our first Santa Rampage, in December of 2003, had only 6 Santas! By Winter 2012, we had over 450 Santas. "No force on earth can stop a hundred Santas!"

People are even spoofing Santa, claiming to be Santa, and so it goes. Santa has arrived. Fuck you, Santa. DRESS UP OR STAY HOME.

Originally, the Vegas Rampages were held down by the Bellagio on the strip, but around 2007, they moved to Fremont St because of cheaper drinks, more venues, cheaper rooms, easier parking, and less walking between venues. We have remained on Fremont St ever since. In Santa's opinion there is no other location in North America that's as cool as Fremont St here in Las Vegas for Santa Rampage. Thousands of hapless drunken tourists, cheap drinks, numerous locations in close proximity, a real working topless bar, and cheap rooms combine to produce "the perfect Santa storm."

And trust us, Santa: we rock the motherfucking house!

HO HO HO, bitches!

In essence, Santa Rampage is a bunch of Santas dressed up in various holiday costumes singing naughty Christmas carols and going bar hopping. Gifts are given out to kids (with their parent's permission, of course) and adults, and numerous opportunities abound for merriment, mischief, and mayhem. NO ONE IS IN CHARGE at Santa Rampage and the answer to almost every question is, was, and always will be "SANTA." Our power comes from our numbers and our "sameness." This is a flash mob, only we don't sneak up on you; we walk right in your front door. Be afraid, be very afraid!

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What is Santa Rampage NOT?

Santa Rampage is NOT A SPECTATOR EVENT!
DRESS UP OR STAY HOME. NO STREET CLOTHES

ALL participants are expected to be IN COSTUME. Putting a Santa hat on over street clothes is NOT acceptable. Santa is not a group of people to be studied, photographed or observed. Santa is not a support system for your dumb ass who can't handle his/her alcohol. Please make no mistake; Santa WILL leave your happy ass to your fate if you get into trouble.

Santa is also NOT your friend unless you're buying Santa a beer; so fuck you, Santa.

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DRESS UP OR STAY HOME. NO STREET CLOTHES.

Basic Rules

Santa practices "the FOUR F's"

  1. DON'T FUCK WITH KIDS
  2. DON'T FUCK WITH COPS
  3. DON'T FUCK WITH HOTEL OR CASINO SECURITY
  4. DON'T FUCK WITH SANTA

  • Make sure you EAT DINNER and HYDRATE before Santa Rampage.
  • THIS IS A 21+ EVENT and is NOT appropriate for children or minors. Santa is going bar hopping, and also into a topless bar. If that offends you, (snort) then wait outside and fuck with the populace until the next departure time.
  • BRING YOUR ID, SANTA.
  • DRESS UP OR STAY HOME. NO STREET CLOTHES.
  • WEAR GOOD, STURDY, BROKEN IN WALKING SHOES OR BOOTS. This is about 2 miles of walking, mostly on concrete. Those 6" spiked Santa boots may LOOK cool at your house, but after a few blocks, your feet are going to be crying.
  • BRING SOME SPENDING MONEY AND YOUR ID. (again) Even if you don't drink alcohol or eat food, you're going to need a few bucks for a soda, snacks, smokes, or whatever. Plus, we're going into a working topless bar, and these girls don't work for free, Santa. The management of that establishment usually waives our $20 cover, instead requesting that we all buy at least one drink or table dance. Most of our venues require IDs from every Santa, so bring your ID, Santa. (3rd time)
  • YOU MUST BE IN COSTUME TO ATTEND. It doesn't have to be a traditional Santa suit, per se, but you've gotta be in some sort of (FULL) holiday costume. This can be a naughty little elf, Mrs. Santa, Reindeer, Grinch, Hanukkah Harry, or a friggin' Christmas tree ball. Get it? Dress as something Christmas, Santa!
    PUTTING ON A SANTA HAT OVER STREET CLOTHES IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. Many Santas have spent weeks or months on their costumes, please don't disrespect our effort by showing up in street clothes. You could be outed and ridiculed for your lack of enthusiasm.
  • DRESS UP OR STAY HOME, NO STREET CLOTHES
  • If you'd like, BRING GIFTS TO GIVE OUT. And lumps of (char)coal for the occasional rare asshole bartender, doorman, and others never hurt either.
  • RADICAL SELF RELIANCE IS IN EFFECT AT ALL TIMES. This means that YOU and YOU ALONE are responsible for your own well being; including hydration. If you get too drunk, get into a fight, get caught stealing something, or whatever, Santa will leave your happy ass to your fate. Santa doesn't give a damn about your personal drama or issues because he's got a schedule to keep.
  • DRINK WATER/PISS CLEAR. Santa has learned over the years to control his alcohol intake to make it through this 6 HOUR LONG marathon event. This Santa's drinking ratio is 2 drinks to 1 water MINIMUM. That means if you drink two 12 ounce beers, it's time to drink ONE 12 ounce water.

  • Put another way: "If you don't have to pee, then you're already getting dehydrated". This ensures Santa's stamina throughout the entire evening. A good idea is to always carry water and refill it along the way. Truth be told, this Santa actually drinks LESS each year and has MORE fun ACTING drunk than really BEING drunk. It's your call, however Santa. If you want to get completely plowed in the first hour, go right the fuck ahead, because Santa doesn't give a fuck about a fucking Santa, Santa. That being said...
  • STAY TOGETHER AT ALL TIMES. While "No force on earth can stop a hundred Santas" might be true, there's a lot of forces that can stop one or two Santas, Santa. Not everyone likes Santa Santa, and there are a lot of drunken frat boys and yahoos down on Fremont St. Stay with the group, follow the schedule, and use that power in numbers. Remember, if you wander off and get into some sort of trouble, Santa will leave you.
  • DON'T FUCK WITH LITTLE KIDS!! Kids take Santa VERY seriously, Santa. NOTHING, and we do mean nothing, says "please kick my ass, Dad" like making a little kid cry. ALWAYS ask parents permission before giving a toy or gift to a little kid. This Santa's personal tip: avoid little kids like the fucking plague.
  • DRESS UP OR STAY HOME. NO STREET CLOTHES. Putting on a Santa hat over street clothes is just fucking lame and lazy. You're not lame and lazy, are you, Santa? Please don't disrespect Santa by showing up in street clothes.
  • DON'T FUCK WITH THE COPS OR SECURITY!! These casinos don't give a fuck about Santa. We are an annoyance at best, and a threat to their operations at worst. IF security asks us to leave, WE LEAVE. Then we wait out front for the next departure time per our schedule. The best course of action is to stay in a tight group at all times. This isn't always possible because of distractions like people taking photos with Santa, the size of this mob, etc, but if we all make a conscious effort, the whole thing works much better.
  • DON'T STEAL FORKLIFTS. Stealing forklifts is wrong, mkay?. They don't go very fast, anyway. Though, yes, they can pick up a car, this puts others at undue risk. Don't do it.
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DRESS UP OR STAY HOME. NO STREET CLOTHES.

How We Move

10 MINUTES before we leave a venue, we will start telling all the Santas "10 minutes". Please pass it on to the Santas all around you. LET ME SAY THAT AGAIN: PLEASE PASS IT ON TO THE SANTAS ALL AROUND YOU! This helps Santa be ready to move, and ensures Santa stays together. The words "SANTA HOOOOOOOO" bellowed through the bullhorn means we're moving NOW. ONE KEY TO LAS VEGAS SANTA RAMPAGES is "efficiency of movement". We've learned over the years how to do this, and often there are dawdling Santas still waiting for drinks when we start to move to the next location. So GET IN, GET YOUR DRINK ON OR GO PEE, AND GET READY TO MOVE. Don't make this location your camp. This is temporary, and before too long, we're all moving with or without Santa, Santa. We don't stay in any one location for very long, and that's part of the fun of Santa Rampage.

Common Answers to Stupid Questions

Who are you? Who is in charge?

NO ONE IS IN CHARGE, SANTA. STAY IN CHARACTER AT ALL TIMES, SANTA. We know it's tempting to break character and talk to those friendly, gawking tourists from Idaho about "who we are" and "why we're doing this." FUCK THAT

The answer to almost every question ever asked is, was, and always will be "SANTA." Here are some examples of this, Santa:

  • "Who are you guys?" We're SANTA
  • "Why are you doing this?" Because I'm fucking SANTA (Use of the word "fucking" is entirely optional and based on local customs and level of intoxication)
  • "Who is in charge here?" SANTA
  • "Why is that guy peeing in a flower pot?" Because he's muthafuggin' SANTA
  • "Who's paying for all this beer?" SANTA!

See a pattern here, SANTA? YOU are not in charge, and no one speaks for Santa except Santa, Santa. This takes a little practice to get into for most people, but here in this venue, you are not YOU, you are SANTA, SANTA.

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DRESS UP OR STAY HOME. NO STREET CLOTHES.

Parking

Parking is available all around Fremont. The Four Queens will validate your ticket at the casino cage at the end of the night, as will Binion's.

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Costumes

You're kidding me, RIGHT Santa? You REALLY DON'T have a Santa/Elf/Reindeer suit yet?! Damn, slack-ass Santa, go now and get one!

Halloween Mart 6230 S. Decataur (800) 811-4877

Star Costume 3230 S. Valley View (702) 731-5014

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History of SantaCon

Santa Rampage, Santarchy, Santacon; call it whatever you want to. It was started by the San Francisco Cacophony Society in 1994 as an exercise in "Culture Jamming". Basically, fucking with people and bending the rules of normalcy. The Cacophonists have been responsible for many great events over the years, including the Billboard Liberation Front, Clown Attacks on "Mac World", Pillow Fights, Billion Bunny March and many other sick and twisted projects too numerous too mention. They've even done some shit you CAN'T know about. In fact, most of the frivolity and silly stuff at Burning Man itself is a direct result of the Cacophonists. The DPW may have made Burning Man dangerous, but the Cacophonists made it fun. "You may already be a member!" The phrase "do-ocracy" evolved from this ethos, that if you want something to happen, then you need to make it happen. http://www.cacophony.org

Since its not-so-humble beginnings, Santa Rampage has spread literally all over the world from L.A. to London to Tokyo and everywhere in between. Here in North America, there's currently around 60 Rampages going every holiday season and some of them have several hundred Santa's participating. Each Santacon has its own unique flavor and has adapted to its own local culture and legalities.

Some Santas rent buses en masse and cruise the local shopping malls until they get thrown out by security; others gang up on the subway and get around that way; and still others meet in a local parks and walk as a mob through downtown areas or elsewhere. No matter where it happens, this mob that Santa forms is collectively known as "The Red Tide".

Don't fuck with the Red Tide. http://santarchy.com/ or http://santacon.com

You want more? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SantaCon

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DRESS UP OR STAY HOME. NO STREET CLOTHES.

* This is an unofficial reference for the semi-annual "Santa Rampage" event that usually takes place in downtown Las Vegas at the Fremont Street Experience. The owner of this website is not affiliated with the event, and all information is re-posted from public sources.

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Schedule

14th Annual Las Vegas Winter Santa Rampage!

Saturday December 17 2016

Stay together at all times!
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Map

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#1 You Better Watch Out

You better watch out, get out if you can.
A red suited menace is sweeping the land.
Clauses are coming to town.

Get out of the way of our fake black boots.
We're flooding the city with cheap red suits!
Clauses are coming to town

We know what you've been up to.
You've made the naughty list.
So cut us in for our fair share, you don't want these Santas Pissed

HHHHOOO, Get outta the way,
It's a red suited wave
Is this any way for St. Nick to behave?

When Clauses HAVE COME TO THIS TOWN!!!

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#2 O Come All Ye Perverts

O come all ye perverts
Come and have an orgy
O come ye, o cum ye
In brothels galore
Come and get plastered
And let's find some ho-girls
O come let us enjoy them
O come let us enjoy them
O come let us enjoy them
In brothels galore

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#3 Walkin' 'Round in Women's Underwear

Lacy things... the wife is missin',
Didn't ask... her permission,
I'm wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.
In the store... there's a teddy,
Little straps... like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.
In the office there's a guy named Melvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He'll say, "Are you ready?" I'll say, "Whoa, Man!"
"Let's wait until our wives are out of town!"
Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress... like Madonna,
Put on some eyeshade,
And join the parade,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!
Lacy things... the wife is missin',
Didn't ask... her permission,
Wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!

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#4 You Better Watch Out

(CHANT during travel segments)

You better watch out
You better watch out
You better watch out
You better watch out
Santa Clause is coming to Town!

(repeat ad naseum, it gets funnier)

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#5 Favorite Things

Halogen uplights and big-muscled fellas
Pink puffy draperies and drinks with umbrellas
Brown Puerto Rican boys tied up with string
These are a few of my favorite things
Penthouse magazines and silicone breasts
Girls dressed in leather tattoos on their chests
Blonde lesbo orgies, a quick mid-day fling, These are a few of my favorite things.
When the whip cracks (ow!)
When the cane stings (ooo!)
When I'm feeling bad
I just think of a few of my favorite things,
And then I get hard...for Dad.

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#6 Let It Snow

Well the traffic outside is frightful
But the drugs are so delightful
And since we've got lines of blow
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow
George W. scored us an eight-ball
And we're feelin' 50 feet tall
Still higher we wanna go
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

(Melody changes)

When we finally lick the mirror
We can really start chuggin' the beer
And when we tap out the keg
We will start gnawing your leg
Yes the traffic outside is frightful
But the drugs are so delightful
And since we've got lines to blow
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

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#7 Deck My Balls

Deck my balls with boughs of holly,
Fa la la la la, la la la.
Tap the keg, inflate the dolly,
Fa la la la la, la la la.
Don we now our rubber panties,
Fa la la la la, la la la.
We're a bunch of twisted Santies,
Fa la la la la, la la la.
Naughty girls are such a treasure,
Fa la la la la, la la la.
These North Poles were made for pleasure,
Fa la la la la, la la la.
Fucked the elves, fucked all the reindeer,
Fa la la la la, la la la.
Fuck the cookies, bring us COLD BEER!
Fa la la la la, la la la.

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#8 Frosty The Cokehead

Frosty the cokehead was a crazed neurotic soul,
With a big glass pipe and a vial of crack,
And no sense of self control.
There must have been some poison in that last dime bag he got,
For when he took his first big hit he dropped dead on the spot.
Frosty the cokehead doesn't worry anymore,
Cuz when all is said, and you're cold and dead,
Then you'll never have to score!

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#9 Crashing Thru The Snow

Crashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the cliff we go
Shrieking all the way
Bells and sirens ring
Marking where we crashed
They put us in intensive care
They don't think we will last
Jingle bells, funeral bells,
ringing all the way
Oh what fools we were to ride
in that one horse open sleigh
Jingle bells, funeral bells,
ringing all the way
Oh what fools we were to ride
in that one horse open sleigh

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#10 Suck My Balls

Suck My Balls & Lick My Asshole
Fa La La La La- La La La La
Spread My Thighs it's not a hassle
Fa La La La La- La La La La
Don we now our Rubber Strap On
Fa La La La La- La La La La
Take it hard, but please don't crap on-
Fa La La La La- La La La La
Strike The Slave & Be The Master
Fa La La La La- La La La La
Snort Some blow you'll fuck her faster
Fa La La La La- La La La La
Leather, Whips & Gay Apparel
Fa La La La La- La La La La
As we sing This Yuletide Carol
Fa La La La La- La La La La

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